POLLY THE WITCH TWIT & TWOO
Polly the Pirate lived on a pirate ship with her pirate mum whose name was Plank Walking Jane. And her Dad, Captain Black Hand Julian.
But Polly the Pirate hated the pirates life.
She was always sea sick. And she just hated swashbuckling. She felt so awful if she had to make someone walk the plank. She was always so apologetic.
To be honest, the parrot, Big Joe, got on her nerves too. He was forever on her shoulder shouting "Pretty Polly" in her left ear.
Polly knew she was pretty but did not want to be reminded every two and a half minutes of the day and night.
So Polly Pirate called a meeting. Just her and Big Joe, the Parrot of course.
"I have decided to resign from being a Pirate." she announced to Big Joe.
"Pretty Polly!" Exclaimed Big Joe.
He was so shocked he fell off his perch.
"I have to be a character or I can no longer be the star of books. That is what I do. So I have decided to become a witch. Polly the Witch."
Big Joe tried to say "Pretty Polly" but was speechless.
“I will stay on the Pirate Ship with my Plank Walking Mum and Captain Black Hand Dad.” Said Polly the Witch. “Witches do not have parrots they have cats. So I’m afraid I will have to make you redundant.”
"Cats chase birds.” Said Big Joe. when he found his voice again. “You are depriving me of my human rights to earn a living. Pretty Polly"
Pretty Poly Pirate, sorry I mean Polly the Witch explained she was sorry but Big Joe would have to find a new pirate ship and a new pirate’s shoulder to stand on.
Polly the Witch found it strange being a witch. Spells were difficult to learn. The black cat would not stay on her shoulder. When he did, he never said "Pretty Polly". Just an occasional, "Miaow". Or was it "Me? How?"
One day Polly the Witch woke up was covered in spots.
"I'm afraid you are allergic to cats" said the Doctor. "The cat must go."
Polly said "Sorry Cat." And paid her a week's money in lieu of notice and the Cat packed her bags and left, with tears in her eyes.
Polly the Witch was now very lonely.
Her mum, Plank Walking Jane was so busy, making people walk the plank. A video of her making someone walk the plank was shown on YouTube and had gone viral. Now everyone wanted to walk her plank so she had a huge waiting list.
Polly the Witch’s dad had just opened up a Pirate Radio Station department on the Pirate Ship. Radio 5-4-3-2-1. So he had no time to spare for her, either.
Polly the Witch knew she needed a pet. So her mum took her to "Which Witch Dot Com", the shop that supplies everything a witch could need.
"I’d like a pet to stand on my shoulder and cats need not apply.” Polly The Witch said.
Mrs Which introduced Polly to an owl. She fell in love with him straight away. Love at first hoot.
He was handsome. He was pretty. He was big and strong. His talons held tightly to her left shoulder. He stood proud. He turned his head right round too. He called out "Twit, twoo."
An owl was a good choice of friend for a witch.
Owl moved onto Polly the Witch's ship. He slept lots in the day. He went hunting at night which suited them both.
Life was almost perfect at last for Polly the Witch. But she did miss Big Joe saying "Pretty Polly" in her left ear. She wondered if she was still pretty. Witches are known for being insecure and ugly.
She decided to ask Owl to say "Pretty Polly" in her left ear. It was not a lot to ask.
And guess what? He was more than happy to say it.
But all that came out was "Twit, twoo."
She tried teaching him.
She said "Pretty Polly" over and over again.
Although Owl tried, it always came out "Twit, twoo".
Polly the Witch thought she might find a spell to make him talk. But she was still not that good at spells. She could not find a "Make Your Owl Say Pretty Polly Spell" anywhere in her spell book.
So Polly the Witch sent Owl to school to learn to say "Pretty Polly". But he just collected all the pencils and built a nest. He came home jumped on Polly the Witch's shoulder and said "Twit, twoo".
In the end she paid lots of money to the world's top owl speech teacher from South America.
But still Owl just stood on her shoulder and said, "Twit, twoo".
Early one morning. just as day was dawning when Owl was still out hunting. Polly the Witch awoke with an amazing idea.
“If Owl will not say Polly, I will change my name to what he can say? Twit” said Polly excitedly
So from that day forward Polly the Witch changed her name by deed poll to "Polly the Witch Twit".
And Owl changed his name by deed poll to "Twoo"
Yes, Twit and Twoo
Now Twoo proudly stands on Polly the Witch Twit's (Twit for short) shoulders saying Twit and Twoo into her left ear.
And Polly the Witch Twit loves it. So does Twoo too.
And so I think they will Twit and Twoo happily ever after, don't you, too!
©2017 www.jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk – Phil Robinson
When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.
Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment
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