33 TOY ANALYSIS

Hi George here. Welcome to my world, won’t you come on in?

I’m still harping on about my birthday. Well it was my first and I had never experienced one before. But today I’m dealing with a topic related to it – toys.

As it was my birthday there was a sharp influx of toys into our household for little old me. So many that my mum and dad have had to take the unprecedented step of buying a shed to store them in. As usual they have underestimated the size of the problem and are just buying a shed when what is needed is a small warehouse on an industrial estate.

Once we have the shed what will happen. Will I be parted from my toys forever, never to see them again, or will they just stick me in the shed with the toys and I shall never see my parents again?

Grandad is very money driven, whatever that means and after having a year in the wilderness not understanding money the penny has dropped with me, if you will forgive the pun. The Sunday Times Rich List, the first issued in my lifetime came out the day before my 1st birthday. Grandad gave me a copy for my birthday. From that I realise you collect money and hoard it, a bit like I do with food. And the winner is the person with most money.

Learning is an amazing thing because that taught me the importance of Ebay. If I sold all my toys on Ebay I think I would go straight to No.1 in the Sunday Times Rich List (note only if I bought a property or shares, not by just sticking the money in the bank).

But I am digressing. I have written 290 of my 500 allowable words and not properly started on this week’s topic which is Birthday Toy Analysis. Here’s my TOP 10 Birthday Presents Analysed in no particular order:

1              M&S Peter Rabbit Treasury A Big Box of Little Books (9 books)

2              Early Learning Centre Race track

3              TV remotes, mobile phones cables

4              Sandpit

5              Noisy Football Match (Usborne Noisy Board Books) by Sam Taplin and Lee Wildish

6              Garden slide

7              Ball pool

8              The Dreaded Bee - Baby Moving Toy, Early Educational Toys with Moving Eyes and Flashing Tentacle for Preschoolers by VANGOLD

9              Kiddieland Farm Tractor with Trailer - Sing a Long Songs, Animal Sounds, Motorised Tractor - Includes Farmer & 5 Animals!…by Kiddieland

10           Freya’s Guitar

11           Book a month

ANALYSE - Here goes:

1              M&S Peter Rabbit Treasury A Big Box of Little Books (9 books)

This is the best book ever apart from lots of others I have. The best birthday present I ever received although Mum and Dad bought it me in February when it wasn’t my birthday. There are nine little board books in a box that looks like a book. Because they are board you can build with them. You can arrange them in patterns. You can hide them. Best of all you can chew and bite them. You can stack them. You can count them. You can sit on them. You can throw them, but don’t tell mum. I think there are even words you can read and pictures to look at. RATING 5*

 

2              Early Learning Centre Race track

This is the best toy ever apart from lots of others I have. This is a Scalextric type race track. I am going to be so Formula 1 when I know what it is all about. I did expect the cars to go at 100mph. I don’t know how fast that is but its faster than these cars go. Mum was dead chuffed because it was half price. I think that’s why it goes half speed. RATING 5*

 

 

3              TV remotes, mobile phones cables

Why don’t adults understand us kids don’t want all these crap toys, it’s a waste of money buying them and a waste of life playing with them. All we, kids just want is, new, live, TV remotes, mobile phones cables. Why don’t you listen! RATING 5*

 

4              Sandpit

This is the best toy ever apart from lots of others I have. Everyone needs a sandpit. You need that gritty tastein your mouth drying it out. You need the sand mixing in your snot and making your nose sore. You need to get it between your toes. But most of all you need to fill your nappy with it, or you ain’t lived as a kid. I had this sand pit for my birthday and I’ve not been allowed to play with it yet. Mum is too house proud to allow it in the lounge. Some folk don’t deserve to have kids like me as a son! RATING 5*

 

5              Noisy Football Match (Usborne Noisy Board Books) by Sam Taplin and Lee Wildish

This is the best book ever apart from lots of others I have. This book tells you what noises to expect at  football matches. I am going to be so football when I know what it is all about. I can kick my ball now. This is a proper book it not only has pages and pictures and words but sounds! The only downside is I keep listening out for bad language, but there is none. You don’t know football until you know bad language. I think that’s in Volume 2. Somebody might buy me that for father’s Day. RATING 5*

 

6              Garden slide

This is the best toy ever apart from lots of others I have. For some reason this has been stuck out in the garden. It’s not very high though like those in the park. It would help if I could walk, I could climb up the ladder. But there’s only two steps. Not worth the effort so I lie on the slide bit. A girl at Sister Freya’s school fell off the top of a slide and broke her arm. What happens if you break an arm or leg, do you buy a new one at the body part shop and put it on. Wow, slides are so dangerous, that gives me such an adrenaline rush. But yet again it makes me think about my parents. How irresponsible are they as parents letting me go on such dangerous equipment? RATING 5*

 

7              Ball pool

This is the best toy ever apart from lots of others I have. This is amazing I can sit in the middle of this ball pool sunk in the balls of primary colours and just loose myself in my thoughts. It is not only a brilliant toy for me its brilliant for Mum and Dad, too. I throw every single ball out and when I’ve gone to bed they have to search for them and pick them up. They would be soooo bored if they they’d not got the balls to find. Rating 5*

 

8              The Dreaded Bee - Baby Moving Toy, Early Educational Toys with Moving Eyes and Flashing Tentacle for Preschoolers by VANGOLD.

                This REALLY REALLY is the best toy ever apart from lots of others I have. Ok, I got it for Christmas and not my birthday, but it’s that crazy old bee bought by Fairy Godmother Emma and Prince Charming Daniel. And still it motors on. The best thing is at my age I am expected to be mischievous and wind adults up. Playing with this toy does it with ease. Rating 5+*  

 

9              Kiddieland Farm Tractor with Trailer - Sing a Long Songs, Animal Sounds, Motorised Tractor - Includes Farmer & 5 Animals!…by Kiddieland

                This is the best toy ever apart from lots of others I have. This is the real Old MacDonald who had a farm and then opened some burger shops. I am so into MacDonalds and I know exactly what it is all about. It’s noisey too, neigh, baa, moo, oink, cluck. Rating 5*

 

10           Sister Freya’s Guitar

This is the best toy ever apart from lots of others I have. This toy is amazing for so many reasons. First it’s not mine, it’s Sister Freya’s but I claimed it for my birthday. It is amazingly noisy. It is fantastically noisy and drives adults mad. Yes! It winds Sister Freya up too because it is hers and she doesn’t want me playing with it, and that’s excellent because in my roll as little brother I’m expected to wind up my big sister. On top of that Grandad has gone through that age barrier where he’s lost it and has no self respect and wears Old Guys Rule T shirts with outrageous slogans. He takes the guitar and plays it as if he is a rock legend. So sad to see. But Mamma’s entertaining when she lays into him for creating so much noise. Rock on, Mamma. Rating 5*

 

11           Book of Month (Ok, I can’t even talk properly yet, let alone count.)

This is the best book ever apart from lots of others I have. This is a gift that is fantastic. It is Little Dreamers Book Club and I get a new picture book “handpicked” on the first working day of the month. Which I think is fantastic and certainly will do when I know what that means. What I do know is I get a new picture book every month. I love books. Initially I just went along with Grandad and Mamma and Mum and Dad reading books to me because it kept them happy and out of trouble. But then I realised every book is different. I learn something new from everyone. Did you know when the cow jumped over the moon the little dog laughed to see such fun and the dish ran away with the spoon? And a Gruffalo eats owl ice cream. And when you get to a big, dark wood you can’t go under it, you can’t go over it, you have to go through it. If there were no books no one wouldn’t know that.

 

Oh dear, far too many words says Grandad. Best be going. Thanks for all my presents everyone.

 

Bye-d-bye - George

 

©2017 www.jeanniejeanniejeannie.co.uk Phil Robinson

 

 

When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.

 

Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment

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