8th April 2017
EWAN AND GEORGE TOGETHER SPECIAL
George: Welcome to my world. Won’t you come on in?
Ewan: Sure will, George. That’s a cool introduction. Mine is just “Hi”.
George: But that’s good too.
Ewan: Well, we are all gathered here today, me and you and all the rest of the family to celebrate young Grandad’s birthday.
George: I don’t want to be selfish and take a way from Grandad, I love him to bits but I can’t help noticing everybody has had a birthday except me. And I know Grandad out of everybody deserves it but he has had millions of birthdays. And with his love and caringness you’d think he’d say, “You have this one George”, knowing I’ve never had a birthday.
Ewan: I know what you’re saying but I will explain. You like me are second in line to the throne.
George: Ewan sometimes I just do not know what you are rambling on about, Ewan.
Ewan: It’s what the Queen says. It means you are the second child, and in your case, of a second child.
George: Does that matter then?
Ewan: Big time.
George: In what way?
Ewan: With mums and dads in general the first child is a major novelty and they make sure that child gets and experiences everything. But for number two or more the novelty has worn off and they are completely buggered too.
George: Give me examples.
Ewan: With first babies everything is done for them on time and to the book. All new clothes. Every new toy available bought for them. Every cry comforted. Any illnesses fully researched on the internet. Exact and perfected food.
George: I get it, because us second babies get none of that, all hand me down clothes and toys and left to sort ourselves out.
Ewan: Exactly! And that’s why you ain’t getting a birthday. Your parents have been there done that and got the T shirt with your Sister Freya. They are bored and moved on. So a birthday is no longer novel and exciting to them. So they don’t bother.
George: Yeh, I get it now. Grandad will share his, probably even give me his.
Ewan: I agree. And his are good ones.
George: Although on second thoughts, you know what he’s passionate about?
Ewan: Lots of things but what are you thinking of?
George: I just can’t take another f******* elephant!
Ewan: He’s already said we’ll go to Thomas Land, though.
George: Yeh, that’s great I’ve not been there. And he said the zoo, too. He has such brilliant taste.
Ewan: The rest of his presents are usually great, too. We’re buying him a dinosaur and giving him loads of money.
George: Money is so pointless. I’m glad I’ve not got a birthday if that’s all you get. We are giving him money too. And a CD.
Ewan: What’s A CD? A silver thing in a case. It’s a vintage job that played music before pianos, guitars and instruments were invented.
George: We’re all going out for a meal to celebrate too. But I bet I don’t get any steak and chips.
Ewan: You can do. Just get Grandad by himself. Grandad is so good he’ll give us anything we want. I got three bars of chocolate on the trot the other day. On Tuesday I’m going for the all time World Record which is five bars of chocolate. You want to try it.
George: Wow! You are brill, Ewan. I think Grandad will be 9 or 10 years old, don’t you?
Ewan: He’s more than 10 because they start talking silly numbers I don’t understand for his age, like eleventy nine.
George: I’ve already worked out he was born before there were dinosaurs. I think the world was all in black and white in those days, too.
Ewan: Yeh. You are dead right. It was all black and white, no colour. I’ve seen his photos and TV programmes of those times.
George: Yes so have I. How weird are they?
Ewan: Massively weird. So weird I’ve already talked in my blog about them.
George: So how did the world get coloured?
Ewan: The council workmen had to paint everything. You know how they do now with white frost. You go to bed and everything is OK? Next morning you get up and everywhere is white with frost.
George: ‘Jack Frost has been’ Mum says.
Ewan: Yes. He works for the local council and goes around in a gritting lorry painting everywhere white with frost.
George: But I’ve not seen much frost lately.
Ewan: No Grandad says councils are having to cut back because they don’t have the money.
George: Wow, but colouring everything must have cost so much money and have been a major job.
Ewan: Yes it was a major job costing billions but there were European Grants available, so it didn’t matter.
George: I get bored with money.
Ewan: Yes, join the club. Do you know, I think our Mums have organised Grandad’s birthday celebrations and party.
George: Why do you think that?
Ewan: Have you not noticed, they do not have the ability to organise parties on the day. My birthday party, Brother Rory’s and your Sister Freya’s were all on different days to our birthdays. Your Mum didn’t even do the Christmas party on Christmas Day.
George: Do you know, you’re dead right. But am I bothered. I don’t think so.
Ewan: Anyway Grandad is going to see a show in London.
George: I know. Can you tell me why he’s not taking us? He takes us everywhere. His grandchildren are usually paramount, his first priority.
Ewan: That’s easy. He’ll be going to see the Chuckle Brothers like he took us to see in the Christmas pantomime. He loves them.
George: He has to go to see them to keep Mamma happy. He loves and cares for us so much and respects our welfare and he refuses to subject us to that again.
Ewan: Yeh! Good old Grandad. Say, George. I just heard something.
George: What’s that then?
Ewan: I just heard that your Mum and Dad are planning on celebrating your birthday, after all, in one month’s time on 8th May.
George: It must be because of Grandad’s birthday. Pricked their consciences. This world is so full of coincidences. Coincidentally that is exactly one year since I was born, to the exact date.
Ewan: What an amazing coincidence. I wonder if your Mum and Dad realise that.
George: Don’t know. I wasn’t too worried about a birthday, but now I’m looking forward to it. Are you gonna come to my party.
Ewan: Try keeping me away.
George: Try keeping me awake too. By the way I can say “Bye Bye” like you now.
Ewan: Bye Bye.
Maximum Z’s by two.
When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.
Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment
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