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FAIRY GODMOTHER & PANTOMIMES      21st December 2016   

21st December 2016                                                         POST 136








Welcome to my world. Wow, did I have an amazing experience this week. Mamma and Grandad said they were taking the whole family to the pantomime. Apparently a family Christmas tradition. Well they did it last year.

Coo, what a pantomime it was too and that was just getting there and meeting up.

The pantomime was at this big house, infact it looked like a palace from the outside.

I think the house must have belonged to one of mamma’s friend’s (not grandad’s friends because I don’t think he has any) because there were so many people there. So many we had to sit on rows of seats.

In most people’s houses, like ours, you sit on a settee in front of the TV.

At this house we sat in front of this massive curtain. Then, someone turned the lights off and opened the curtain and there was amazing coloured lights and singing and dancing. It was exactly the same as the telly, (sorry TV) with loud music. Well it sounded like music, but it was people dressed up to look like penguins blowing trumpets and banging drums and there was no where to turn the sound down like on the TV. So much as I tried I could not sleep through it all.

Now, why do these friends of Mamma’s not have a TV? Is this what rich people do? No I don’t think so, my experience in seven months of life is that the more money you have the bigger the TV you have.

I think this is the type of TV you have when you are poor and do not have much money. I don’t think they have much money because they had to spend it buying this big house and all these seats.

The problem with this type of TV is that you cannot change channels. So I didn’t get to see Mr Tumble, Thomas the Tank Engine, Bing or even the Twirly Woos. But most of all I felt sorry for my dad. As we couldn’t change channel there was no football for him or any ball game. Yet there was enough room. Do you know, there was not even a ball.

But my dad is so brave, the bravest person I know. He still laughed at these two guys called the Chuckle Brothers and grandad chuckled at them too. Maybe that is why they are called the Chuckle Brothers. I chuckle as well but I don’t have a brother. I’ve got a sister though. We could be Chuckle Brother and Sister. (Sister Freya chuckles). But somehow that misses it, doesn’t sound right, does it. I’ll ask mum and dad for a brother. Do you think I might get one for Christmas? Cousin Rory and Cousin Ewan Chuckle, They could be Chuckle Brothers or Chuckle Cousins.

Grandad is like a real Chuckle Brother. Mum was holding me and grandad wanted to hold me and he said to Mum “To me. To me.” Like they do. Then when he gave me back he said to mum, “To you. To You.” You have to laugh or you’d cry. Sometimes, not often I do cry.

There was an awful lot of custard pies flying into faces too. I don’t think it’s particularly funny. It only looks like me and Cousin Ewan look after we’ve attempted to eat breakfast dinner and tea, or chocolate if I was allowed any. So me and Cousin Ewan are not particularly amused. Do you see what I mean. I think they throw them in for the adults in the audience. They love it. It keeps them interested and free from boredom and helps prevent them fall asleep. 

There was this singer named Chico in the pantomime, an X-Factor finalist apparently. Can’t be in my lifetime I don’t remember him. But then again, there has only been one series in my lifetime. Grandad added you have to be very old to have lived through the X-Factor series Chico was in. I think he was being sarcastic. He is teaching me sarcasm every time I see him. He says it’s the best form of humour.

There was a very scary man in the pantomime. I would have been scared if he was on real TV, but on this one he was even more real and so scary. But fortunately there was a Fairy Godmother that came on and sorted him.

I’ve got two Godmothers, they are obviously Fairy Godmothers. They always bring magic with them when they come to see me and they will make everything right for me. I’ve also got two Fairy Godfathers too, but they didn’t have any of those in the pantomime.

At this place where we saw the pantomime there was so much chocolate. There were special miniature shops where you could buy it from. Imagine living in a house with its own mini corner shop built into it. Everyone was eating it except me. I tried yet again reaching out for it but failed. But I had this sudden inspiration whilst I was there. My Fairy Godmothers or especially Fairy Godfathers will sort me some chocolate. After all that is their purpose in life to grant my wishes for me.

At one point everyone had to put on these glasses so that everyone looked like grandad. Me and grandad did chuckle. But I wore them and could see what grandad could see wearing his glasses. It’s so weird. No wonder he looks spooked out all the time. I thought it was living with mamma, but when you put glasses on like grandad’s giant hands look as though they are reaching out to grab you and giant spiders look as though they are going to grab you. Dad says its 3D.

I laid back and observed it all and learned as much as I could about people and life in general. I revelled in the experiences. But just one thing worried me. Santa was not there. Why?

Since the beginning of December every place we’ve been to there has been this overweight guy, complete with snowy white, bushy beard and wearing a red suit and hat with black boots. His name is Santa and he always asks what I want for Christmas. Not just me, everybody. I’d tell him if I could talk, “Chocolate!” But he wasn’t at this event. Has he got fed up of asking? Have we offended him? Is Christmas over? Who knows? Life is so full of complicated twists and turns.

We did clap-a-cake lots without the words and went home.

The lesson of the night was probably mum and dad should have a TV like that and cancel BT. It would be a far better and reliable service,



When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.


Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment

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