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51 HAPPY AS PIGS IN MUCK

2 Year old Ewan's Blog

 

1st September 2017

2 YEARS OLD EWAN'S  BLOG

 

HAPPY AS PIGS IN MUCK

 

Hi Ewan here.

 

So, wow, I thought, I love August it is never ending rain so I can wear my wellies, all the time. Splish, splash in lots of puddles and just get wet all the time. And I just love holidays.

 

We’ve just come back from Padstow, Cornwall. It was Trevone, really, next to Padstow but because I am only two years old, they think I’m just a kid and think Padstow is near enough, for me to say. But I do know the difference. Padstow has loads of boring, boring shops. Trevone has just one shop and loads of sand, sea, rock pools and crabs

 

We have only been back a couple of weeks and last Monday, Mum said we were going on holiday again.

 

Wow, me and Brother Rory were so excited. Sunday night we packed our case and could not sleep with excitement. Well, Rory did but I didn’t.  That is nothing new, I can’t sleep most nights but going on holiday gave me a good reason not to.

 

Monday morning took days to come round, but it finally arrived. But time really does drag, because then, Mum and Dad took ages to get themselves sorted and the car loaded. I was slightly concerned because I was taking detailed note of what they were doing. They did not load the buckets and spades or surf boards. I supposed they intended investing in new ones for us. Fair enough, boy had we given them some hammer this summer, especially the surf boards. I’d dragged it all over the beach and in every rock pool.

 

Finally me and Brother Rory were loaded into the car. Mum and Dad always strap us in our seats as if we are suitcases.

 

And we were away. Seaside here we come, yet again.

 

But in a flash Mum said, “Here we are.”

 

I had not had time to have tantrums or protests or fall asleep. All the things I had planned to disrupt the journey were still waiting for me to do.

 

But wait a minute, there was: no sand, no sea, no seagulls, no rock pools, no crabs, no donkeys. Then again, I suppose there were no donkeys at the seaside we went to in Cornwall, anyway (or beach balls).

 

This looked very much like Mamma and Grandad’s house. And it was.

 

Mum and Dad dumped us there and cleared off mountain climbing for three days.

 

Me and Brother Rory did not know what had hit us. Just out of the blue, without warning, we were expected to look after Mamma and Grandad for two nights and three days.

 

Mum and Dad had gone away as part of Mum’s birthday celebrations. No, it was not Mum’s birthday whilst they were away. Mum can never organise birthday celebrations on the actual day. Mine and Brother Rory’s birthday parties are never on our actual birthdays.

 

She keeps saying she has a big, special birthday coming up, this coming weekend. But aren’t all birthdays big and special. Mine are.

 

So it was down to work as soon as we got into Mamma and Grandad’s house. We had lots to eat and drink. That keeps Mamma particularly occupied and keeps her out of mischief.

 

Then Brother Rory and me got our heads together and decided I needed to do lots of massive poos. That keeps Mamma occupied. Not Grandad of course. He very rarely deals with a pooey nappy. But he is very competitive and always tries to do one bigger than me. But he doesn’t manage it, right.

 

Fortunately, I had brought with me, my most favourite and best ever (for this week anyway) film on DVD, Madagascar.

 

I like it because the Lion is King and it is a factual film telling what really happens when the Zoo closes at night. Things go a little wrong in this case but they were fortunate enough to have a documentary film crew following them which means their adventure is all captured on film.

 

Put a film on, and Grandad will fall asleep like a baby, and he did. It was slightly disappointing because I wanted him to see the Lion. When Lion was on I did make a loud roar and shout “Lion!” to wake him up to watch it.

 

After the film finished the first time Brother Rory and me took Grandad outside to dig for worms in the garden.

 

I don’t see the point in it myself. Either the birds eat them or you put them back, but Grandad seems to enjoy it and it makes him think he has a use.

 

But I noticed Mamma sitting down with nothing to do, so I thought I’d better do another poo.

 

It’s not easy keeping on top of poos. You have to eat lots whether you want to or not and it’s hard work pushing it out and very uncomfortable to sit in, although they can form a soft cushioned landing when falling on your bottom.

 

The problem with having to look after Mamma and Grandad is that I have to stay up and awake with them until they go to sleep. They always try to put me and Brother Rory to bed quite early. Brother Rory doesn’t bother, he goes to sleep but I feel a responsibility towards my grandparents and feel I have to stay awake until they fall sleep.

 

In order for me to keep an eye on them I tend to shout, so they have to come up to the bedroom to quieten me.

 

They end up reading me lots of stories which is tiresome for me to listen to but I do realise it is important, brain stimulation for Mamma and Grandad which they are desperate for at their age.

 

Finally, at about 11.00pm, they lay down on the bed next to my cot and went to sleep. I was exhausted but felt satisfied that I had done my duty satisfactorily.

 

On the next day of our holiday at Mamma and Grandad’s house we went to visit Chatsworth Farmyard and Adventure Playground. This has to be the best place in the world ever. I was so excited about all the farm animals and just had to run up and down past their pens and stables.

 

First there was a huge shire horse as you know I just love horses, they are the best animals in the world, ever. Grandad was really brave and stroked its nose and even took a photograph of it. How brave is he?

 

And guess what? You won’t guess so it’s best if I just tell you. Mamma bought me a real horse of my own!!! How amazing is that? Well, a real toy one. That’s so amazing because I haven’t got one, but I have now. The horse is brown just like the ones in the field at the back of Mamma and Grandad’s house and it has silver horse shoes and red ribbons in its hair. I’ve named it “Horse”

 

The pigs are the best animals in the world, ever. They had lots of really small, tiny baby piglets. They are in the photo, above. That is a photo Grandad took of the pigs. They went oink, oink, just like me.

 

We went into the Adventure Playground and had lunch next to the hens and cockerels. I did get the feeling that although we had paid good money to get into the Farmyard the Cockerel & his Hens were checking us out instead of us checking them. Cockerel kept crowing at the top of his voice, he found it so entertaining and funny watching us feed, he told the world and his dog.

 

Just before we left for home we went to see the goats and the cows being milked. Brother Rory thought this was fascinating. I was not quite so sure. I do not see the point. Why store your milk in a goat or cow and have to spend so much time and effort getting it out, when it’s so easy to nip to Tesco’s or the Coop and buy as much as you want and store it in the fridge ready to pour.  

 

After the milking I think Mamma was a bit bored so she said, “Come along, lets be off home”.

 

Grandad says I have used too many words already, so to cut a long story short we went to Mamma and Grandad’s to sleep again and then the next day Mummy and Daddy came home. They weren’t sun tanned but they had hit the top of Scafell Pike in the Lake District which I think is apparently an achievement at their age. They are really old, but not Mamma and Grandad older than old, old,  just old.

 

Well best be off to play with my horse.

 

Bye, Bye, Ewan.

 

When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.

 

Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment

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