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20 WHEELS ON THE BUS

 11th February 2017

  

 

 

EWAN'S BLOG

WHEELS ON THE BUS

I think the best thing in the world next to eating and pooing is noise. Really, really loud noise, so loud it is music. Don’t you think so too?

Mum takes us to Jo Jingles. That is so brilliant. The best group we go to except swimming. I don’t go swimming, Brother Rory does and I have to babysit Grandad and we have wall to wall fun because I am in charge.

At Jo Jingles I can just let myself go and dance and sing to the music. Mum and Granny and the lady in charge always try to cramp my style. Grandad’s the opposite I can’t keep up with him.

Grandad is good at making music. He makes music on the computer. Every time I go to his house I make him go to his study for us to do music. He gets the keyboard out and types the name of this site “Wheels on the Bus”  and all the nursery rhymes come up on Youtube. I like it when Mamma shouts: “Grandad, turn that volume down, this minute. I can’t hear myself think.”  You know then it is amazingly loud, the loudest noise in the world although I think an aeroplane engine might be louder, a rocket engine definitely would be. You’d have to put your hands over your ears if you stood next to a rocket when it took off. Mamma has to cover her ears with her hands when we sing.

I like songs that you can make up as you go along. You can add as many verses as you like and make them last so long they get on your nerves. One that me and Grandad sing forever and it still does not get on my nerves is “The wheels on the bus”. This is so easy to add verses. You can take most things on a bus if it makes a noise. You can’t take an elephant on the bus, because Mum read me the story by Patricia Cleveland-Peck and David Tazzyman and it says so.

Although you can take everything on a bus I’ve never been on one. I would love to. I’ve been on a train and a tram, a steam train and even a car. But never a bus. I am desperate to. Grandad will take me on one, I know. Have you seen the ones that have an upstairs. There are beds and cots upstairs you know and toilets.

The song is so brilliant because everything on the bus makes a noise: Babies go wah, wah, wah x 3 Mummies go Shh, shh, shh, x3  Pigs go oink, oink, oink x 3, Dads go where’s that football,x3, Books go read, read, read x3, Pizza go yummy, yummy, yummy x3, Ewan goes, poo, poo, poo x3, Mamma’s go love you, love you, love you loads x3,  Granny goes love you too x3.

Grandad says lots of things because he’s very opinionated: Grandad says, write, write, write x3, grumpy, grumpy, grumpy x3, Shut that door x3, Eat up your peas x3, Put on your shoes x3, Peep, peep, peep x3, Where’s my grub x3, Let’s watch, Postman Pat, Thomas the Tank Engine and Twirliwoos x3 (and that doesn’t even fit in and messes the song up).

I think you could keep that song going for 24 hours, non-stop, well Grandad could (he’s good at boring repetition) and we could get in the Guiness Book of Records as the longest version of “Wheel’s on the Bus”.

I know all about the Guiness Book of Records. Last week I did a massive poo and Dad said he would get it put in the Guiness Book of Records. I’m not so sure. I often find bits of chewed rusk and spaghetti and chewed cheese in stuck to pages of my book but can you imagine finding a poo! Yuk!

We sing a long version of “Baa, baa black sheep” too. “Baa, baa, black sheep, Have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, Three bags full.  One for my master, One for my dame, And one for the little boy, Who lives down the lane.”

But we sing: “Baa, baa, black sheep, Have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, Seventeen (or 39, or 226 or 1 million) bags full.” Then we have to list seventeen people or things or whatever number you choose:  One for my master, One for my dame, And one for the little boy Who lives down the lane, One for Granny, One for Grandad David, One for Postman Pat, One for Ewan, One for the lady behind the counter at the Post Office who says “Hello” . And lots more. Do you get it?

Ain’t it just brilliant?

Mamma does songs too like “One two three four five once I caught a fish alive.” She then does her version: One two three four five once I caught an octopus alive, six seven eight nine ten then I let it go again. Why did you let it go. I’ll tell you why I had to let it go because it wrapped its tentacles around my neck so tight.

You can add a shark… I’ll tell you why I had to let it go because it tried to eat me for its dinner with chips and peas, right.

Or whale… I’ll tell you why I had to let it go because it tried to swallow me whole, right

Or crocodile … I’ll tell you why I had to let it go because I had to clean all it’s huge sharp teeth with a scrubbing brush, right

Or a haddock… I’ll tell you why I had to let it go because the man behind the fish and chip shop counter wanted it to turn into fish and chips, right

Another really noisy fun song is

“If I were not upon the sea, something else I'd rather be.

If I were not upon the sea, a sargent major me

Happy all day long, and this would be my song,

LEFT-RIGHT, LEFT-RIGHT swing those bloody arms!"

 

If I were not upon the sea, something else I'd rather be.

If I were not upon the sea, a fluttering flag me.  (I said FLAG, lady!)

Happy all day long, and this would be my song,

"Blow me east, blow me west, I like lots of wind!"

 

If I were not upon the sea, something else I'd rather be.

If I were not upon the sea, a seamstress I would be.

Happy all day long, and this would be my song,

"Half a yard, half a yard, snip it by the inch!"

 

You can add so many verses.

 

Music and singing and noisy noise and loads of actions, making is brilliant!

 

I have musical books, too. One is about Thomas the Tank Engine. You press a button and it plays the theme tune. I dance to it. To dance you just go round and round until you fall over with dizziness. That is such a brilliant experience and dance. But Grandad says he can’t see the fun in that when he is dizzy all the time and needs tablets to stop him being dizzy. That must be fantastic being dizzy all the time. Why would you take medicine to stop it? Grown ups do the weirdest things!

 

Well better go dance. I’m bound to talk about music and dance again. It’s the way forward.

 

Bye! Bye! Ewan

 

When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.

 

Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment

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