EWAN AND THE RECORD BREAKING BIGGEST EXPLODING POO (PART 1)
Hi, Ewan’s the name and if you’ve not read my log before I’m just 19 months old. I don’t think that’s lots I know its more than when I was 12 months old, but at my age numbers don’t mean a lot. Some people like my granddad and mamma are millions of years old. But what does that mean. I think it means when they were children dinosaurs were not yet extinct. And beetles sang. I’ve heard birds sing a lot, but I don’t think beetles sing any more.
My day today has been awesome. I just cannot wait to tell you about it.
Today is a day I have with grandad. I don’t understand why I have two grandad’s and two grandma’s but only one mummy and one daddy. I think I have worked it out that it’s because grandad’s and grandma’s are so old and short of energy it takes two of them to give us children the service one mummy or daddy gives
My grandma’s are very different. One is off the wall as her name indicates, “mamma” She is easy to manipulate and get things out of. The other one is ‘Granny’. She’s not so off the wall, a traditional Granny. You know where you stand with her.
Granny is a cake maker, lovely cakes and a knitter. You tell my Granny what you want and she knits it for you. It could be a hat, a coat, a Postman Pat, or a dinosaur.
My dad says she once knitted him a real car. He went everywhere in it. To work, to play golf, on holiday, to Rufford Park. It was blue with loads of the usual buttons to press. He said it was so big all of us fitted in it and mamma and grandad too.
No, wait a minute, it was not a car she knitted, it was a cardigan. Silly me I’m just learning to talk and get my words muddled up.
Anyway I have wandered from my greatest ever day.
One of my many responsibilities as a toddler along with crying, entertaining adults and demanding food is to constantly soil my nappy, be it with poo or wee. This is such an important job within the world economy. Can you imagine how many jobs would go and the impact on the stock market if us babies stopped soiling our nappies. The raw material producers, the nappy manufacturers, the packaging people, the marketing personnel the warehousing, the TV ad companies, the lorry drivers delivering to the shops, the shelf stackers, Ikea for making the special cupboards to store them in, the baby changing mat manufacturers, and finally the bin men who empty the bins where the soiled nappies are placed.
So you have to agree with me, us babies pooing in our nappies is a key factor in the world economy.
I go to nursery two days a week and it is key for me to be accepted as top dog there. It is important to me see. At nursery the bulk of our conversation is about weeing, pooing and eating. Oh and sleeping but there’s not a lot to say about sleeping.
So, I came up with this plan to make me the star of nursery class talk and a hero.
TO BE CONTINUED...
When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.
Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment
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