EWAN’S BLOG 29th JANUARY 2017
KREW CUTS: HAIRCUT EXPERIENCE LIKE NO OTHER
Hi, Ewan here.
Me and Brother Rory sometimes get so annoyed at one another we end up thinking that each is the worst person on this earth, especially if he’s got my pet dinosaur or when he teams up with Mum and Dad to stop me wrecking his Lego model. But most of the time we work as a team working 24/7 against Team Mum & Dad. It’s what we are here for one of our main purposes in life.
Due to that you can understand why when Mum was going to Manchester for the day and she told Dad he had to take us both for haircuts Dad broke down crying in a cold sweats. Understandably, although he’s big and tough and could fight and win any fight in the world including one with a Titanosaur Argentinosaurus huinculensis, (which is the largest dinosaur known from uncontroversial evidence: according to Wikipeadia) he was a quivering wreck at the thought of taking us to the hairdressers alone.
Me and Brother Rory capitalised on this. We spent every waking hour planning how we could wind Dad up at the hairdressers. We had some brilliant plans. I will not divulge them here because we may want to use them another time.
But then horror upon horrors Dad obviously realised and called for reinforcements. He contacted Team Mamma and Grandad.
Our plans were scuppered. Don’t get me wrong Team Mamma and Grandad are not tough but winding them up is different. Mamma is a pussycat, may be a tiger or is it a cougar, but a pussycat. Grandad just does not know what’s going on, so you can phase him. He’s not aware of it if you try.
And when I’m babysitting Team Mamma and Grandad I have to show some responsibility towards them or there is no telling what Grandad would get up to.
So we went to “Krew Cuts” Unit 3, Warwick Brewery, Northgate (Retail Park), Newark, NG24 1TX T: 01636 918387 the best children’s hairdressers in the world. It is located at Newark, where Cousin Freya lives.
The shop is in an old mill, or at least that’s what Gandad said. I thought it was an old brewery, but he kept making this Grandad joke saying “This hairdressers is in a mill but its definitely not run of the mill. Ha, ha, and ha.” I didn’t laugh because I didn’t find it funny, infact, I didn’t understand it. And the reason I know Grandad got it wrong about it being a mill is because I looked and looked and looked but couldn’t see any sails.
The hairdressers was just as I expected a hairdressers to be. The only one I had really known. You had your normal car to sit in and TV to watch, and someone to cut your hair. A brilliant experience, far better than the going-to-the-park boring routine. But you know how Grandad gets so over excited about things. He did about the hairdressers. Embarrassing, really. He thought it was so fantastic.
Has he not been to a hairdressers before? Mind you looking at his hair or lack of it, I guess not.
Rory was first to have his haircut. That is so unfair. Because he is the oldest he always goes first. I was not happy and about to throw myself to the floor for a tantrum. But realised he was in the blue car and the red one, my favourite because it is my favourite colour was available. Although, so was the pink one. They wouldn’t put me in that would they, tell me please that they wouldn’t be so cruel and humiliate me. The pink one is for girls. Cousin Freya’s favourite colour. If I go in that I will get a girl’s haircut.
They’ve only got three cars, Pink for Freya, Blue for Rory and Red for me. They need to get another one for George. I guess they will when his hair is long enough. I think Grandad wanted one too so he could have his hair cut. The pink one will do for him. He’s not proud. If Mamma says, “Grandad, use the pink one” he would do so because he daren’t disobey Mamma. I think he would have struggled to sit in the car because he is so big and the cars are small. But you know Grandad is capable of anything when he is over excited.
Anyway I am glad I did not have a tantrum because I got the red car. Rory also had a man to cut his hair and I had a lady. Now, I’m not sexist but in lots of things I do prefer male company, like watching TV and messing with technology. But when it comes to being looked after no one does it like a lady and that really applies having my hair cut.
She sat me in the magic car for my haircut. In a normal every day kinda car you make a journey to a place. In the magic haircut car you are taken on a TV journey. The lady is magic with the remote control even better than my Dad and certainly better than Grandad who is hopeless with it. But I don’t blame him. Mamma never allows him to use it. So what do you expect.
The hairdressing lady can find anything on TV (she learns how to do it in her hairdressing training. I think I will be a hairdresser when I grow up.), even The Night Garden that is not on until 6.20pm on our TV. Yes, she obviously has a time machine button. The car must be a De Lorean, the same as in Back to the Future.
There are no prizes for guessing what TV I chose. Of course, “The Gruffalo”. And no prizes for Rory’s choice, “Mr Maker”.
I felt sorry for Grandad. He so loved our hairdressers he wanted to have his hair cut. The trouble is he has no hair. But on Tuesday when we were at his house a lady came and said she was a hairdresser to cut Grandad’s hair.
But I knew she was an impostor and not a professional. The give away signs were she did not have a proper car for him to sit in. He had to sit on a chair and pretend it was a car. And she did not have a TV or remote control. He had to stare at the kitchen door and watch Mamma through the glass. Scary.
When I was a lad at school around 13 years old, our Maths teacher used to call me Wol. At the end of the year as we were moving up a class I plucked up courage to ask why he called me Wol. He told meit was thename of the deslexic owl in Winnie the Pooh. With my Harry Potter glasses he said I looked like the Wise Old Owl in the Winnie the Pooh stories.
Being the vain person I am I took it as a compliment
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